one of her own

Last night I spoke about Destiny and control, two big words and concepts. Destiny is said to be, predetermined. Is it that simple? Is anything that simple, for that matter? People are always saying everything happens for a reason.

Guess what? I am definitely one of those people. Although, this is where I will put the control element in. Fortunately, where I live - I have the control and choices to make for myself. Growing up, in the words of everyone on the internet - "I pretty much knew what I wanted" attaining it, was a different story.

I will say time and time again, that I've been very spoiled in the sense I haven't had much control or structure inbred to me which lead to many years of laziness, I didn't have much ambition except for my part time job in a clothing store.

For the record, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. Truthfully, I miss it. I miss it a lot. But once I got my GED and realized that a part time job isn't worth my stress or worry, that my future is - that all changed.

We all have pivotal moments in our lives, I look back at the day I knew I passed my GED as one of the biggest. Truthfully, when I look back at where I was and I am now. It really does make me laugh.

I had no hope for it, I truly thought I'd fail. But I kept studying and get this - I felt more confident. Whaaaat? Studying actually works?! I know, crazy.

Anyway, I truly thought I wanted to be a pre-school teacher, I could take a two year course and be fully certified and be good to go. Turns out after a several weeks of dealing with thirty something under 5 year olds can change a person's opinion on preschool.

So I got "lost" again. There were other personal manners too, that crushed me and again, my momentum for the future got halted. Again I took advantage of not having the inbred structure. Somehow, one day I decided to stop letting my sadness win. I joined a dance areobics class and decided to apply to a different school with a completely different program.

Can you guess what it was? I'm sure you won't be surprised as I am but it's English. Why didn't I think of this in the beginning? Who knows, maybe to have a good story to write about a year later.

Writing and reading has been my biggest "hobby" for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I would write in my journals and little pink diary. The funny thing is, even if the little pink diary contained my huge puppy love crush on the neighborhood boy, it had substance. I have always been a thinker and it is obvious in my writing.

For pete sakes, I'm writing this on my Blackberry right now just to get it out. I can't describe how satisfying it is for me to see my thoughts in text or in my writing on paper.

It is my biggest release and it took me a little over 20 years to realize, that it is my passion. I'm the type of girl who craves to write, that if I don't doodle or write out things, I feel something missing. This has lead to several napkins at a bad job being doodled on aswell as notebooks being filled from the time I was able to write to me right now, typing on my phone.

Somehow, of course I've gotten super off topic. What else is new? But I will get back on track, with everything I've seen and been through in my (wonderful) life - writing has always been my sense of control and destiny.

It helps me remember what I want for my destiny and life, I say to a lot of people that my life wouldn't be the same without them, and that's obvious no? But the biggest thing, the thing that makes me the young woman I am today is the fact I have been blessed with two hands that allow me to write or type or do whatever I wish with my thoughts to get them on the page.

So as long as I am always able to have the power of thought and write, I will always feel control. Control of my destiny.


It's not even 10am yet and I feel all profound. That will change as soon as I get home and get into sweatpants and watch Modern Family on the couch for an hour.